Just Faydra Deon – Page 5 – My thoughts. My ideas. My opinions. My life.

Trayvon Martin’s hoodie is not to blame, but…

…the blame rests solely on the people whose perception is that black, brown and even poor white people, especially young men and boys, in hoodies are criminals or criminal-minded.

The hoodie has become to the young, urban male what the short skirt is to the young, urban female. This seems to be especially true when we talk about non-rich/non-wealthy young people; people who live in the inner cities or come from the so-called “wrong side of the tracks.”

The perception is that a woman wearing revealing clothing is loose and available. If someone decides to take advantage of her, then she “asked for it.”

It’s the same as saying, “If you kill a young man or boy because his style of dress (in this case, the hoodie) appears to be sinister, then he “asked for it.”

This, more than anything, was what appeared to cause the outrage from so many people at Geraldo Rivera’s comments about parents allowing their children to leave the house in hoodies.

The hoodie is an innocuous piece of clothing, just like the windbreaker, the parka or the Letterman jacket.

However, if young people from the inner city or the “wrong side of the tracks” in windbreakers, parkas and Letterman jackets start committing crimes in large numbers, then those clothing items will join the ranks of the hoodie, Timberland boots and baggy jeans. They will be associated with crime and anyone wearing one of them will be perceived to be a criminal or criminal-minded.

So the issue here is perception.

If you don’t think perception is often more real in the human mind than what’s actually true, then you really should have another think coming.

Perception is the catalyst behind racial profiling, which is essentially what many people think George Zimmerman was engaged in when he saw Trayvon Martin walking down the street.

[spoiler title=”an aside: related information”]It’s interesting that on the news today they were saying that Zimmerman claims he was just walking down the sidewalk and Trayvon Martin confronted him, but we hear the 911 tape and the operator, responding to Zimmerman’s admission that he was coming up behind Martin, suggest that Zimmerman stop following Martin and let the police coming to the scene deal with the issue. Then we hear the altercation and the call disconnects.

I wasn’t there, so I’m not going to speculate on what actually happened. I’m just relating what the media has reported thus far.

Anyway…[/spoiler]

Young people don’t need to change the way they dress; whether it be the hoodie or the mini-skirt.

Judgmental people need to change the way they perceive young people because of the way they dress.

When we put the blame on the article of clothing, we abridge the humanity of the person wearing the article of clothing. We relegate the person to the status of the inanimate object, the article of clothing, and this is why it’s easier to blame the victim instead of punishing the victimizer.

[spoiler title=”another aside: related information”]But let’s back up a bit…

There are some historical issues to deal with here when it comes to style of dress and even the cut of the hair.

Are you aware that many years ago in some European countries, the length of the hair of males in a family was an immediate clue as to a family’s financial status in society?

Males with low or no financial standing in the society had shortly-cropped hair while the males in wealthy families, usually those considered gentleman (landowners) had long, flowing hair. This not only served to distinguish the “haves” from the “have nots,” it was also for hygiene considerations. If you were a peasant, working the land, and only bathing sporadically, then shorter hair was better suited to your lifestyle. If you were a wealthy, landowner then you had the time and resources to maintain the upkeep of your long, flowing hair.

So take ideas like this from the “old country” and transplant them in the “New World.” People usually continue to do what has been been perceived to work well. This is true of clothing regulations. Peasants were not allowed to wear the same types of fabrics as landowners.

Are you aware that during American slavery, bondsmen and even poor whites were only allowed to have clothing made from the coarser types of fabrics while free and wealthy people could wear the softer fabrics? A wealthy person wouldn’t even be caught dead in his/her coffin, going to rot in the ground, in fabrics that were specifically forced upon slaves, free blacks and poor whites.

Back to the present…

We’ve still got caste-clothing systems going on right now. Regular cotton for the proletariat and Egyptian cotton for the better off, for example.

When I was a student at Howard University, I had a History professor who refused to wear anything denim. She referred to it as “slave cloth.” Even years after the end of American slavery, her perception of denim was that it bound her.[/spoiler]

People want George Zimmerman indicted, arrested and put on trial.

People want to put their trust in twelve jurors to get justice for Trayvon Martin; the justice they perceive that Martin deserves and only the justice system can mete out.

But think about this…

Isn’t reasonable doubt just another way of saying perception?

(click here to see some photos of people in hoodies and pick out the criminal from among them)

The greatest gift my mother ever gave me…

In the 43 years of my life, my mother has always been my strongest supporter, even when she knew and/or believed I was making some silly/terrible mistake that she knew she couldn’t save me from or knew that saving me from it wouldn’t help me learn from my own experiences.

My parents taught me to walk and talk, to read and write, to be a good citizen, to work and play well with others, to brush my teeth in the morning and before going to bed, to wipe my rump, to blow my nose, to tie my shoes, to cook my own meals, to manage my money, to be self-sufficient but to know I could depend on them if I ever took on more than I could handle, to believe in my abilities, to love the me that God created me to be and learn about Martin and Malcolm; Booker T. and W.E.B. and all the ancestors before, between and after them, to help those I could help and know my limits when helping others would be a detriment to my own well-being and so much more.

My daddy taught me to “go ask your mother.” 😆 He also taught me that a B+ was beneath me when I definitely had the knowledge and skills to get the A+. He taught me how to think and learn for myself by directing me to the proper references when I asked him, “Daddy, what does thus-and-such mean?” This is a lesson my brother, Carson III, continues to reiterate to our father every chance he gets (inside joke between my daddy, my brother and me 🙂 ).

But…

The best lesson I’ve learned from my mother is the greatest gift she ever shared with me and my siblings…

I can remember, even when I was as young as five and six, that my mother never told any of us–my older sister, me and my younger brothers–that she would do something and then she didn’t do it.

There were a lot of “we’ll see” moments when I was growing up, and even now, but once my mother said she’d do this or that, give this or that, help with this or that, it was like a commandment written on a stone tablet.

It is truly a blessing to have at least one human in my life, because God will never fail me, who I can 100% depend on to be a woman of her word, point blank and period.

Momma has often said, “No,” and I’ve been disappointed in that I didn’t get what I wanted. However, Momma has more often said, “Yes,” and I knew that her “yes” was solid and firm.

I’ll give you an example…

[spoiler title=”click to see example or don’t click to skip it”]When I was in college, I ran up a very high phone bill accepting collect calls from my then-boyfriend who was stationed in Germany with the U.S. Army. I couldn’t pay it, and my home phone got cut off.

Please keep this in mind: it was before cellphones became popular, and I was living in Washington, DC. At that time, DC was labeled the “Murder Capitol of the World.” It wasn’t just the murder capital of the nation. It was the murder capital of the world, and since I didn’t have a home phone I would have to use the payphone on the corner when I needed to make calls.

Anyway…

Long before I’d been foolish enough to run up this $1,500 telephone bill, my mother had told all of us that she would never pay our phone bills for us. What she said, and I’m paraphrasing just a bit here, was, “You can’t always control the heating bill, because there might be a bad winter and you have to use more gas. I’ll help you with that, but don’t ask me to help you pay a high telephone bill. That’s something you can control. You don’t have to call every friend you have long distance and sit on the phone for hours at a time talking about stuff you can put in a letter.” (yes, this was way back when we were still mailing letters :lol:)

So…

I run up this bill, get the phone cut off and live with going to the payphone for a few weeks. Of course, I got tired of that, and I thought, “I know my parents worry about me living all by myself in DC, so if I play the “safety” angle, Momma will help me get my phone turned back on.”

Keep in mind, though: my mother’s word is her bond.

So…

I call home and have the following conversation with Momma (again I’m paraphrasing):

Me: “Hey, ma. What’chu doing?”

Momma: “Thus and such. What’chu up to?”

Me: “I have a problem.”

Momma: “What?”

Me: “My phone got cut off.”

Momma: “Why?”

Me: “Jerome is stationed in Germany, and I was accepting his collect calls because he is homesick and…”

Momma: “OK.”

Me: “Well, can you help me get the phone turned back on, because right now I’m having to come down to the corner and use the payphone, and it’s 9 at night and I don’t feel safe being out here on the phone. Anyone could come up on me and hit me over the head or something. I’ll pay you back. You know I will, so can you help me?”

Momma: “No.”

Me: silence

Momma: “Anything else?”

Me: “No.”

Momma: “Well, let me get back to what I was doing. I love you.”

Me: “I love you, too.”

[call disconnected]

I know my mom and dad were worried about me not having a phone. I mean, I didn’t have a phone for about two years. However, it never occurred to me to ask again or to be angry that they wouldn’t help me pay off that bill. My mother was right on many counts: I had no business running up the bill. I didn’t have to be out at the payphone when it was dark if I planned my calling times accordingly. I already knew that they weren’t going to help me with my telephone bill. I’d actually disobeyed her by even asking for help with the telephone bill.[/spoiler]

Anyway…

I say all that to say this…

Every time I break my word to someone, I immediately think about how it goes against everything my parents emulated for me when I was growing up. Although I focused more on my mother, my daddy was the same way, but he did defer quite a bit to my mother, so she was the one giving us her word more times than not.

The purpose of this post is two-fold:

1) I was talking to a friend who was telling me how her spouse tells their children he will do something, but he hardly ever follows through, and it got me to thinking about my own experience with my parents and I just wanted to get my feelings out in written form.

2) I also want my parents to know that the life lessons they worked so hard to instill in their children were not taught in vain. Even though we may not always do the right thing, we definitely know the right thing to do.

The Family — Tammie, Daddy, Carson III (Boo), Momma, Tyrone, Faydra

Thanks, Momma and Daddy, for being the parents God called you to be. I don’t think I’m speaking out of turn for my siblings when I say we love you, we respect you and we will always honor and cherish you.

Procrastination or Patience?

I chose the picture of the question mark at a crossroads because of the subject matter of this post.

I’ve struggled with the question of whether I’m procrastinating or if there’s “something” innate prompting me to be patient.

This issue has occupied my thoughts so much that I started paying closer attention to what goes on when I have a task to complete and I’m not getting it done.

Amazingly, I seem to have mostly figured out when I’m procrastinating and when I’m in an actual holding pattern; being patient before I actually move forward.

I wrote that previous sentence in a wishy-washy way on purpose, because I don’t think I totally have the solution, but I know I’m on the right path.

For me, this is how I know which state I’m in…

If I’m procrastinating, I do everything else except that one thing that I know I should be doing, and I’m cognizant that I’m doing everything else except what I should be doing.

If I’m being patient–sitting in that holding pattern–I’m not trying to fill the time with other things I have going on, and I’m cognizant that I could be doing that thing that I’m not doing and that I’m not doing it because something is telling me to wait; be patient.

That might not make any sense to anyone else, but it makes perfect sense to me.

So here’s the rub…

Whether I’m procrastinating or being patient, they look like the same things to those outside of the scope of my mind, even though I know the difference between the two for myself.

This is when being comfortable in my own skin comes in handy.

Since I know myself, then others can’t make me feel badly when I’ve set a deadline and I miss that deadline. Something I learned from a brotha in the Nation of Islam when I was in undergraduate school: “God plans, and man plans, but God is the best of planners.” I heard that once, and it’s stuck with me all these years, because it’s definitely true, if you believe in God, and I do.

Usually, when I’m patient and stay in the holding pattern, that thing that I can’t put my finger on comes to pass and I’m like, “so that’s what I was waiting for?”

I’ve learned to be patient, because that thing always reveals itself in time.

I’ve also learned to push through procrastination when I’m not waiting on anything and just avoiding getting something done while I do everything else besides. 🙂

Anyway, maybe you’ve found yourself at the same crossroads. Hopefully, something I’ve shared helps you discern whether you’re wasting time or waiting on perfect timing.

Don’t be a blessings blocker

You’ve either witnessed this scenario (or something similar to it) or created it (or something similar to it):

Them: Oh, my goodness! You did such a great job on this. It was way more than I expected. Please take this (insert monetary value here) for all the extra work you did.

You: Oh, no, I couldn’t. I am happy to do it free. You don’t need to pay me.

Them: I insist. Please. You worked so hard and did so much more than you needed to do. I want to.

You: You don’t have to do that.

Them: I know, but I want to.

You: I don’t want you to think I did the extra just to make you feel like you should pay me.

Them: I don’t think that at all. Please take this. I want you to have it.

You: I couldn’t.

Them: Please.

You: I don’t feel right about taking your money.

Them: You’re not taking my money. I’m giving you what I think your time is worth.

You: No, thank you, but I appreciate you being willing to pay me.

Then you walk away thinking you’ve done something noble, but in the back of your mind you think, “Dang, I could have used that to put a little gas in the car or pay my cellphone bill…” or something like that.

My philosophy is this…

Be a blessing, get a blessing, but don’t only seek a blessing while being a blessing.

Regardless of whether you are spiritual, religious, worldly, whatever, the universe is cyclical:

Give and it shall be given unto you…

What goes around comes around…

What you sow so shall you reap…

You gotta give to get…

It’s all about the karma, dude…

You do dirt, you get dirt…

Bless others so that you might be blessed…

Bottom line…

It’s not always about you!

You do the work from the goodness of your heart, and the other party wants to compensate you from the goodness of his/her heart.

Let it happen!

They don’t need you to tell them they don’t have to do it. They already know that, and they’ve chosen to compensate you in some way for your time, your talent and/or your willingness to be a help to them. Their giving to you will in turn allow them to receive from others. I mean, they’ve already received your good works, so let them do their good works by you.

Did you ever think that refusing to allow someone else to bless you blocks their blessings, too?

SolaPress’ first client’s eBook is available!

I originally created my first publishing company, Sola Mente Publishing, to publish my own books, and then I had the bright idea that I’d help others get published.

So I started SolaPress!

I’m happy to announce that my first client’s eBook is now available on Amazon!

Shook by Maxine Brothers

To the world outside her home, Kara is a professional student. She has multiple degrees and seems to be interested in acquiring more.

To the world inside her home, Kara is a stone-cold, 30-year-old assassin.

When her mother is killed, she decides it’s time to get out of “The Life,” but she’s planning to leave the game in a much different way than one might expect.

Now that it’s time to get out, Kara has decided to leave “The Life” shook.

Her biography…

Maxine Brothers has been an writer since the day she first picked up a pen. She is an inspiration to other writers, providing both support and assurance in the endeavors of others. She has exercised her abilities through different creative writing means, i.e. poetry and stories, coupled with article submissions to magazines. Ms. Brothers has worked on different projects offering opportunities to other lovers of the arts. The articles she submits to magazines vary from poetry submissions to advice columns to general informative pieces. Additionally, Maxine offers other artist the ability to showcase their work through the different magazines she writes for. In conjunction with writing, Ms. Brothers has worked with other artist to hold different poetry events and artist showcase events. Her accomplishments thus far are only the beginning.

I’m looking forward to helping more authors get published! If you’re interested, check out the information SolaPress!

My plan to get a Kindle Fire for free

Back in April 2010, I got the Kindle DX (the big’un 🙂 ) for free by helping save a friend’s business quite a bit of money.

He asked me what I wanted for helping him, and I told him I’d like a Kindle.

He pulled out his iPhone on the spot, went to Amazon.com and looked up Kindles.

“You want the big one or the little one,” he asked me. After hesitating for a moment, because I didn’t want to take advantage, I decided to just got for it.

“I’d like the big one, please,” I told him. His reply?

“You want the leather case for it?”

“Yes,” I said. He touched in the information and put the iPhone back in his pocket.

“You’ll have it in a few days,” he said.

Me: BIG, EAR-TO-EAR EXTRA, CHEESY SMILE.

Since I got my DX, I’ve rarely missed a day of reading from it. I love that thing!

Anyway…

I have a birthday coming up on 24 October, and I told my parents I don’t NEED anything, but I’d like to have the new Kindle Fire.

There’s no guarantee I’ll get more than a birthday card and a phone call from them, so I have a Plan B if that doesn’t work out.

I mean, my parents’ love is all I really have to have from them on any day of the year, including my birthday.

And, cut…

So my plan B for getting my Kindle Fire free, if mom and dad only send me their love and a Hallmark card (I’ll be turning it over to check), is to use the Amazon Trade-In Program.

Whoa!

You don’t know about the Amazon Trade-In Program?

What the snarky?!?!

Dude…

You’ve got to learn about the Amazon Trade-In Program.

At first, I thought it was only for college textbooks, but then I discovered they’ll take trade-ins on loads (yes, I picked that up from watching Harry Potter movies; anyway…) of stuff!

Wait…

Let’s back up just a smidge.

You don’t think I’m trading in my Kindle DX, do you?

As Erika Alexander’s character said in Mama Flora’s Family…

“Don’t you be talkin’ blasphemy!”

OK, it’s not that serious, but I will be keeping my DX even after I get the Kindle Fire.

Each Kindle will serve two, separate purposes.

The DX will be my main device for leisure reading, just as it is now.

The Fire, because it’s a full-color, touch-screen device, will allow me to watch Amazon Instant Video, and I’ll also employ it when I teach using a resource that has color images, like Adobe Dreamweaver CS4 Classroom in a Book or HTML5 in Easy Steps.

OK, so back to Plan B and the Amazon Trade-In Program…

Like I was saying…

It’s not just for trading in college textbooks. Amazon is accepting good-to-brand-new items in the following categories:

Don’t think you’re going to get back most of what you paid for your items, though.

The trade-in amounts on many items are modest, at best.

However, for me, this isn’t a concern.

I mean, I’m trying to declutter, so being able to get a little credit for things I’m trying to get rid of anyway is a bonus.

Amazon allows you to send the items to them for free. They pick up the cost of shipping.

Anyway, I’ll let you know how my plans turn out, but I’m going to be the owner of a Kindle Fire soon. That’s not optional.

UPDATE: Mom and Dad didn’t get me a Kindle Fire for my birthday, so Plan B is in full effect. 😀

Anything he can do, I can

…not do better.

If you don’t believe there’s a God, click here.

You may find something more interesting and/or entertaining over there.

Now back to what I was saying…

Why is “anything he can do, I cannot do better” on my mind?

I’m sitting here watching episodes of “Lost,” and the Kate character is getting on my last nerve.

Anytime there’s a place to go or something to do, no matter how dangerous it may be, she wants to be a part of it. She wants to do it, even when other people would be better suited to the task. She wants to have it, even if someone else will benefit from it more.

UGH!

I just want to yell at the television, “GO SOMEWHERE AND SIT DOWN, KATE!”

Sigh.

Alas, I know yelling at the television doesn’t do any good, so I just sit here and itch.

Now I know that there are a plethora of things both men and women can do equally. We’re both human, so that’s a given.

However…

There are other things that women shouldn’t do, even though they’re able.

I can lift very heavy loads when I have to, because there’s no man around to help me, but I prefer not to do so if the opposite sex is around and doesn’t mind helping me out. Straining our bodies in ways we were never created to do doesn’t do us any good in the long run. We’ll just have complications later.

Years ago, I read an article about a girl who was suing her high school. She fought the school system to play varsity football, won and then was majorly injured from being hit unmercifully by her teammates in a regular practice. She had to have several surgeries to repair and remove organs that had been damaged or destroyed when she was viciously tackled and then the rest of the defensive line piled on top of the other players with her at the bottom.

I have no idea how the lawsuit turned out. She claimed that the coaches should have protected her from this kind of treatment. Yet she wanted to be treated in all other ways like one of the guys. Uh-huh.

Anyway, if men and women were suppose to do exactly the same things in all things, why didn’t God just make one gender and call it a day. He would have gotten to rest much sooner if he had.

I’m cool with being a woman, and I don’t have a burning need to do everything men do.

I mean, why should I want to pee standing up? It’s so much more relaxing to sit down. 😆

OK, I’ll stop.